Sometimes, God just has to spell it out for you. In this case, he used my four year old daughter to do just that.
It's okay if you don't play with me.
Unsuccessful for the 5th time this week, I was attempting to prioritize my writing for upcoming devotionals and blogs I had been working on. Coming off of a never-ending few weeks of events: a Six-day-ice-storm power outage, women’s retreat, trip to six flags, daughter’s birthday party, trip to the zoo, family in town, other family in town and now? I was desperate to purge. There aren’t enough outlets at a Home Depot for all the crazy energy I needed to rid myself of. It had been weeks since I felt peace or solid relaxation. Almost all that had unfolded in the weeks before were life-giving (yes, even the power outage), but none of them left me feeling rested.
So when I asked my sweet little girl to play beside me on my bedroom floor while I worked on some writing- her note hit me like a punch in the stomach. It's ok if you don't play with me? Umph. My heart sank like an anchor to my feet.
But as I turned around to apologize, I was met with the most perfect smile this side of heaven.
“Baby, I’m so sorry I’m not playing with you. Mommy just needed a little time to…”
“Mommy- it’s ok.” She placed her hand on my knee, y’all.
“Mommy you’re doing your work and you love that work and it’s making you happy and Mommy that makes me so happy.”
Not sure how you can be this close to God’s goodness and not weep like a baby. She continued with her generous spirit in so many words that I ended up crying right in front of her. She’ll never know how much I needed to see this note, written with the most intentional tiny hands, and the acceptance that came with it, echoing through a royal blue crayon. Without punctuation. Without manipulation or passive aggression. Just a simple “ I see you enjoying yourself and that’s a good thing.”
Don’t you know that any moment I try to take for myself, I think of ten reasons I shouldn’t? Don’t you know that any time I try to take a moment’s rest- I can think of a thousand reasons why I don’t deserve it? In that moment, the enemy would have had me feel terrible that I wasn’t being all things to all people. That I had chosen blogging over my little girl.
You’re so selfish. You’re absolutely going to regret this time you’re not spending with her.
Perhaps during dinner, when I’m frustrated that she hasn’t finished, he’ll remind me “well if only you had played with her, she wouldn’t be acting this way.” Leaving me locked in a shameful state, feeling self-serving, and full of remorse later in my day.
Which is exactly where I need to be if I’m going to be made useless by Satan.
The enemy likes to take cheap shots. To play off the things that are already running circles in our minds, wreaking havoc. I know many fathers in this same cycle. Trying to fill every need at all times. Working long hours, sweating over tight budgets, all to provide for their families that they no longer feel present within. Feeling out of the loop, aloof, and cast aside.
Which is exactly where the enemy would have you rendered useless.
What negative thing are you telling yourself today? How is Satan using that to tear you away from the things that you’ve been called to do? What’s so wrong with taking a moment to remind your children that you were created for a higher purpose? To serve God, to delight in God, and to fill your cup with His goodness. Even if it means a round of golf or a few hours in your bed listening to music, reading, or taking a nap.
Jesus in the flesh— that’s what my daughter was for me at that moment. Jesus telling me “it’s ok if you don’t play with her. She’ll be fine. She was my child long before she was yours. Take a moment to spend time with me and write the things I’m showing you. You were my child long before your were her mother.”
Dear friend- it’s ok if you don’t ________ (fill in the blank). More so, there is no fault in seeking time to work on that which you feel called toward. God places desires in our hearts that need to be pursued, meditated on, and taken seriously. Our identity cannot be consumed with what we’re producing for our families and careers. Slow down. Take a beat.
This Sunday is Palm Sunday and I’m believing in the same hope that Jesus brought as He entered the city of Jerusalem. People thought many things about themselves that day. Father of the Year, Employee of the Month, Best Mom Ever, Redeemed and Forgiven weren’t yet on their radar. They were overwhelmed, overtaxed, and overjoyed at the sight of the Son of David.
“Blessed is He who comes
in the name of the Lord!
Hosanna in the highest Heaven!”
-Matthew 21:9-
He is Hosanna in the Highest. The Hope of our Salvation. The savior we so desperately need. Here today and forevermore. I can’t help but feel the relief of the mother who struggled to put food on the table. The fisherman who didn’t bring in a great cast that day. Or the shepherd that stayed a little too long in the fields, needing more time with His God, leaving more chores for him to do that evening. Finally. Hope for the weary. Yes, Jesus alone is all things to all people. We can rest in knowing that it’s ok that we aren’t.
