When Jared and I first got married, I thought I knew everything there was to know about him. He wore cool shoes, held a good job, loved Jesus, and seemed to like me a lot :) As for the other details, I figured they’d come naturally. As far as his likes and dislikes were concerned, I was confident I had him pegged.
I soon found out my post-nuptial assumptions were dead wrong. I actually knew very little about my new handsome hubby. In fact, I had more misinformation about him than I realized, which led to one misunderstanding after another. Believe it or not, it all started with a bag of Reese's pieces.
I thought Jared loved Reese's pieces candies. For Christmas, I would put them in his stocking. Anniversaries, birthdays, movie nights, “just ‘cause” presents, … you name it. I’d throw in a box of those chocolate coated peanut butter circles and wait for his reaction. Best wife ever! Or so I thought. One day, he finally spoke up. It’s important to note how difficult it must have been for him to say this. He’s the sweetest guy on the face of the planet but he had finally endured enough.
“Babe. I don’t like these.”
“What do you mean you don’t like these? You LOVE these!” I jested.
“No I don’t. I’ve never liked these.” He used the word never. It crushed me. Inside, I was red-faced.
“But I buy these for you all of the time.” I argued.
“I know you do. And I don’t like them. I like Reese's peanut butterCUPS. Not pieces.”
It didn’t stop there. Over the next several months, it all started to unravel. Suddenly, I was wrong about everything. I thought “What Happens in Vegas” was his favorite movie. Wrong. Watching baseball was his favorite pastime. Wrong. I bought him several flat-billed caps only to discover that he found them to be “too boxy.” Wrong again. He didn’t seem to like anything I picked out for him; I was failing at every attempt I made to move forward.
It’s painful to describe how this made me feel … like a lousy wife, a terrible listener, and an ignorant friend. How could I be in love with this guy when it seemed like I barely knew him? For a time, I started to doubt that we were even supposed to be together.
Instead of taking each of those instances as opportunities for closeness, I chose to walk in the shame and upset that comes from being wrong. These could have been occasions for insight into yet another side of my sweet husband but I allowed it to become a huge stumbling block in our marriage. Rather than embracing this new information, I wanted to have absolutely nothing to do with it. In that season of our relationship, you could have asked me anything about Jared and I would have told you, “I have no idea. Sorry. Can’t help you.”
Fortunately; I had godly friends who helped me wake up, stop moping, and encouraged me to grow closer to my husband instead of grumbling over a B-rated movie and some candy preferences. As luck would have it, I also had an insanely patient husband who saw me fail miserably time and time again and kindly helped me get to know who he really was. As I allowed for space for him to speak, he in turn became more vocal. Truthfully, we began to thrive. I have to say, he grows sweeter with time.
As this season took a shift, I became more confident in engaging with Jared, planning for him, and speaking on his behalf. My “I have no idea,” turned into “Oh, he would love that!” or “I’m not sure, let me ask him.” I’ve gained a newfound confidence as his wife and friend. I can honestly write this with a smile because I know there’s still so much I don’t know about that man, but I now delight in the newness of his ever-changing personality and interests.
Gummy bears. Those are his absolute favorite. Nowadays, I can plan a movie night in which I pick up the pizza (another favorite), buy the candy, and select a movie I think we’d both enjoy. Granted, I’m not always spot on, but I’m close enough. Close enough to love him and appreciate the fact that he loves me even in my unknowing.
Friends, I must confess that the same is true with my relationship with Jesus. Time and time again, I think I have Him pegged and yet, I constantly misstep in my pursuit of Him. I think I know everything there is to know about His word, but I’m painfully mistaken and unsettled as a result. I mistreat His people, misrepresent His word, and misunderstand His heart. Oftentimes, it causes me to grow frustrated because I’ve been in a relationship with Him for so long and yet, I still seem to know very little.
Just as it was with my spouse, the Father is slowly revealing things about Himself that are different than we’ve grown accustomed to understanding. It’s hard to accept in the beginning. But I find that if I can swallow my pride, engage in conversation with Him through prayer, and seek after His heart, I can receive far more than I ever did in fighting for what I thought I knew. Whether you’re brand new to the faith or thirty years in, it is a dangerous assumption to believe that you have God pegged. There will come a time in your life when you’ll be reading scripture, scratch your head, and think “this doesn’t look like You. I have no idea what this means.” The faith-filled life is a constant surrender to the things we don’t quite comprehend. It’s only when I surrender my assumptions that I find peace and confidence in truly knowing Him.
The good news is that our God, while vast and complex, is never-changing and never-failing. To misunderstand Him is an honest mistake. A mistake we have all made. Give yourself a break. Of course you’re not going to understand it all; He’s the one who’s all-knowing! There’s freedom found in the realization that He is bigger, and greater, and far more than we could ever fathom. There is so much about Him that we will never fully understand and those gray areas will only serve to strengthen our faith if we let them. My prayer is that when we feel that gentle correction fall upon us, we would welcome it. We would earnestly seek to dive deeper. We would know Him more.
I leave you with this verse. May it go before you, excite you into seeking more, and guide your heart into depths unknown :)
Love, Kari
When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. Three things will last forever- faith, hope, and love- and the greatest of these is love. - 1 Corinthians 13:11-13
Pray
Lord, help us to delight in our misunderstandings. May it draw us nearer to Your heart. Let the covenant of Your grace in our lives sustain us in the unknowing. In Your mighty and majestic ways, may we find freedom in the lovely realization that we don't have to know it all. Help us to rest in the peace that surpasses all understanding. Amen
Reflect
1. How comfortable are you with things you don't understand? What fears arise when you come across things that are clearly out of your control?
2. How do you feel when someone acts out of character? Does it concern you? Why or why not? Do people in relationship with you feel free to "change" areas of their life if need be?
3. For the following questions, mark your answers on a scale of 1-10.
How well do you think you know God's will for your life?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
How much of scripture makes sense to you?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
How much of scripture do you feel uncertain about?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
4. How do you approach new ideas in scripture? When's the last time you read something that caused pause? How did you react?
Do Something
- Speak with your local pastor about some of the things troubling you in scripture. See if they have any resources they could recommend that might help you make peace with these areas of "unknowing".
- Get familiar with parts of the bible that are foreign to you. See if you can participate in a book study with another friend or bible study group.
- Pray over your concerns. Pray over your doubts. Pray over your fears. Ask others to partner with you in prayer as you admit to the things that are beyond your comprehension. Take delight in them!
- Write down areas in your relationships where you are having trouble with someone's sudden change or shift in "who you know them to be". Pray over these things and ask God to give you peace and discernment moving forward.
Further Reading
The Omnipotence, Omniscience, and Omnipresence of God by The Gospel Coalition
Isaiah 41:10
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Listen
Bigger Than I Thought by Sean Curran
