911, What’s your emergency?
There’s a bomb in my house!
Did you say a bomb?
Yes! A bomb!!!
Please try and stay calm and describe to me what you see, ma’am.
It’s about 5’6”, it has brown hair, blue eyes, and a short fuse.
Help is on the way.
I sure hope so. Everyone in my house is on edge. This particular bomb has so many triggers, no one knows where to walk, how loud they can speak, and there’s no timer. It could go off at any second. Sad to say, the 5’6” explosive is none other than myself. There’s a bomb in my house, alright. And it’s me.
I stub my toe on the coffee table at least twice a week and it takes every ounce of restraint not to say the expletive that comes to mind. Cursing isn’t really the problem anymore. I sort of conquered that by not watching that much television. (Surprisingly easy fix, though I do have my moments). The real problem runs a little deeper.
I’m angry all the time. Bottled up and waiting to burst. I have wonderfully joyful moments that liken themselves to a scene from Marry Poppins, but at times, they end so quickly and my adventurous Super Mommy-Thoughtful-Wife persona is thwarted by the latest inconvenience to my day. I think I hide it well, but maybe I don’t. Maybe I’m harsh and desensitized to the way I come across to my husband. Maybe my daughter is picking up on my behaviors more than I realize. There’s nothing I want more than to be able to let things roll off my back. Instead, they stick like a knife in my side. Scripture says that sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs Proverbs 19:11. I wish I was this person more often. In the midst of every argument or disgruntled encounter- I long for nothing more than to feel the calming peace of Jesus filtering everything I think and say. I’ve trained my brain to do as much, but my heart won’t follow.
Friends, it’s hard to type this out. I feel Satan saying “you’re such a phony.” Sometimes I believe what he’s saying- but I have to remember that my confidence is in Christ. It has nothing to do with me. What you see on social media and in my day to day life is very much real! There are extremely blissful moments and when my perspective is in the right place, God grants me the eyes to see a bountiful blessing before me. I know He’s with me and residing in my home and reaching for my heart at all times- but how can that be when I feel this way? This is what I don’t understand and what I’ve been trying to seek answers for this whole week. If God is within me- why do I have such a quick temper? Why the short fuse?
No sense in blaming cycles of past relationships or family. At the root of all this anger there’s me. The bomb. What makes it tick? How do we defuse it? So many questions and so little time before it goes off again. This devotional is practical and short so that if you’re out there and you’re like me- we can start to get to work. If you feel this way- don’t hesitate to reach out. God made us to be instruments of peace, not weapons of war.
The only true way to experience that peace is to have a cathartic release that comes only when I run to the Father and tell Him once more. “I’m sorry and I’m trying so hard to be better.” God is dealing with me in a huge way this week. He’s not dealing with me by using “His mighty wrath”. He’s dealing with me by reminding me of His love. When you put God’s love up against even the gravest of offenses, you’re brought to your knees. His love should bring me to repentance, and that’s what it’s doing.
Thank heavens that when I’m my biggest disappointment, He remains faithful. He remains kind. He remains all the things I’m trying so hard to be. Let’s tap into that this week. Let’s lean into Him for the things we can’t seem to change about ourselves.
Reflect
There are 4 major factors in finding the root of my anger.
Fatigue Deprivation Stress Pride
My prayer is that through this exercise, you can identify some of the things that are needing to be released into the hands of God.
Fatigue- List the things in your life that you’re tired of/from. The things that really keep you from embracing life.
Deprivation- What seems to be missing from your life? Time? Creative outlet? Community?
Stress- What causes you the most anxiety/fear/stress? How can you see God working in that situation?
Pride- What part of you is puffed up? What are you thinking you “deserve” that you’re not getting?
Out of all of these, which one serves as the biggest trigger for you? How can you focus on battling that this week?
3. When you’re most angry, how do you react? How does it affect your family and those around you? How do you feel afterwards?
4. Tim Keller defines righteous anger as “Energy aroused in defense of something good and released against something evil.” Based on this, would you say your anger is righteous or selfish? Is it in defense of God and good or is it in defense of yourself and your desires?
5. Scripture tells us that “Fools vent anger but the wise quietly hold it back.” Prov 29:11
How do you relate to this passage? What would be a safe environment to vent your anger?
Further Reading
In order to combat anger- we have to seek joy. Below are some scriptures pertaining to both so we can stare down the problem, see its negative impact, and fight it off with the Joy of the Lord!
A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Proverbs 15:1
Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city. Proverbs 16:22
(I may be in a place of power over someone, but I’m not in a place of control.)
'And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.'- Ephesians 4:26-27 (Anger, again, sets us in a position where we are out of control.)
You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls- James 1: 19-21
How can I find my joy when I’ve lost it?
We find joy in trusting what we can’t see. 1 Peter 1:8
We will know joy when we remain in God’s love and obey Him. John 15:9-11
We ASK for it. Simple as that. We have a conversation and ask in His name. John 16:24
By recognizing that GOD made the day. We can have joy in that. Psalm 118:24
Align your heart to the realization that pain is temporary. Psalm 30:5
Come home to the promises of God. Psalm 126:1-6
Understanding that trials are evidence of new growth and eventual completion in Christ! James 1:2-4
Do Something
These are some amazing conversations on the subject of anger. Listen to them in your free time.
The Root of Sinful Anger from Desiring God Ministries
If God is so Happy, Why Does He Seem so Bad-Tempered? from Desiring God Ministries
Read through the scriptures in the Further Reading section and pick some of the ones that you feel will be most helpful this week.
Pray
After having read scripture and answering the reflection questions, pray this prayer and ask God to fully embody you in the days and weeks to come. Come back to this scripture when you’re feeling that anger creep back.
(Taken and modified for prayer from Ephesians 4:23-32 TPT)
Father, today is the day that I want to be made new by every revelation that you’ve given me. I want to be transformed as I embrace the glorious Christ-within as my new life and live in union with You! For You have re-created me all over again and in Your perfect righteousness, and I now belong to You in the realm of true holiness. Help me discard every form of dishonesty and lying so that I can be known as one who always speaks the truth, for we all belong to one another. Don’t let the passion of my emotions lead me to sin! Don’t let anger control me or be fuel for revenge, not for even a day. Don’t give the slanderous accuser, the Devil, an opportunity to manipulate me! Never let ugle or hateful words come from my mouth, but instead let my words become beautiful gifts that encourage others; let me speak words of grace to help them. The Holy Spirit of God has sealed me in Jesus Christ until I experience the fullness of my salvation. May I never grieve the Spirit of God or take for granted his holy influence in my life. Help me to lay aside bitter words, temper tantrums, revenge, profanity, and insults. Instead, help me to be kind and affectionate toward others. Haven’t you graciously forgiven me? Help me graciously forgive others in the depths of Christ’s love.
7 Prayers of Release by Bob Hostetler
Listen
Short fuse
Gotta short fuse my Lord
Short fuse
Gotta short fuse my Lord
I can’t seem to keep it up, all of this love, and my mind’s playin’ tricks like I’m tripped on drugs
Reading every word you wrote, can’t stay afloat, got a heart Peter but I’m stuck in the boat
I’m angry all the time, and I love you all the time.
I don’t know how this heart of mine is gettin’ by.
I’ve got a good heart but this mouth keeps runnin’
Can’t get a handle
And if you're filled with Love, when is mine gonna come in?
I need a candle
To light up the world
Instead of blowing it up
I need Your Love
Cause I got a short fuse, short fuse My Lord.
Short fuse, Gotta short fuse my Lord
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