So Many Things- Confessing a Discontented Heart

It’s hard for me to be still. Polly Pocket in the background on Netflix while Cola eats Fruity Pebbles for the letter P we’re working on this week. I told myself- I WILL make time to be still this morning. So much easier said than done. Perhaps that’s why we whisper it to ourselves. We’d look pretty foolish shouting out things that we don’t actually end up doing. So timid, we are, in declaring things for the Lord. Boy do I ever wish I was as vocal on my Instagram about my love for Jesus as I am for Tacos. 

I did my bible reading, pushing through by putting my headphones in and keeping the monitor close to me in case the baby woke up. Suddenly, it hit me that I needed to just stop. Stop doing and stop “working on being still”. Actually BE STILL, Kari! 

Pushing my bible and notebook aside, I put my head in my hands. As the music played in my ears, it was only a matter of seconds before I broke out in tears. Why do I have such a hard time listening? Why can’t I move forward? Is it too much to ask to feel good about myself for ONE day? What’s holding me back? Why am I trying so hard all of the time? What am I trying to prove? 

As swift as water from a stream, the words came out of my mouth (in a whisper, nonetheless).

I want so many things, God. 

There it was.

 My confession. 

I want a shirt to fit me the way it does that girl on her Instagram. I want my kids to sleep through the night. I want my daughter to know my intentions and not be so sensitive. i want my son to catch up to the other kids his age. I want movie theatre popcorn. I want to be motivated to do more than I'm doing. I want my friends to call me more. I want my house to be finished. I want my back to be healed. I want tacos delivered to my front door. I want people to stop misunderstanding me. I want my leaders to be genuine. I want to stop second guessing myself and others. I want to trust. I want to love unconditionally. I want. I want. I want. So. Many. Things. 

Teach me to want only You. Please. 

My whole body began to shake as I sobbed in the reality of still wanting so much, as if I had so little. I felt immense shame from the mere thought that what God had given me wasn’t enough! In that moment, I began to release the heart of covetousness and I began to think on the things of the Lord. His mercy in my life. His provision. His sense of humor and His embrace during times like this. 

Dear friend, if you find yourself in a place where you are having a hard time being content- please know that you’re not alone. There’s a lot going on in the world right now and when we feel cornered or limited, we start to act entitled. Out of deprivation, we begin to believe that we deserve more than what we’re getting. I understand. I’m in and out of that belief constantly. However, we must choose to stand on the word of God instead of the shifting tides of the times. 

His power is made perfect in the places where we feel powerless. Maybe the longing for more isn’t necessarily the issue. For God calls us to a higher purpose than we’re currently living out, I believe that. So the longing is valid, but where are you placing your hope? 

The psalmist said it best when he wrote Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. (Psalm 61:1-2) 

Jesus says - I Am enough. 

My grace is sufficient for you. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

I’ve given you all things for all times (Philippians 4:19, 2 Corinthians 9:8-12)

I have called you to do my work, and given you the strength to do it well. (Ephesians 2:10, Romans 8:28)

We want so many things. That is our confession. Let’s ask God how we can live for Him in pursuit of these things. Place your head in your hands and tell Him- Teach me to want only You.