That’s about how I felt when I decided to write this devotional. After sending out a simple message to some of the people that had impacted my life over the years, pictures and messages started flooding in. It enabled me to catch up with people I hadn’t directly spoken to in years! This beautiful sense of connection was happening in such a real form that as I sat on my couch messaging back, I felt like my entire house was filling up with all of my favorite people! The troubles I had been facing regarding loneliness and the side effects of quarantine slipped away with each message I received. I can’t describe it any further except to say that it was like I invited them to come back into my life for this little party I was throwing…. and they showed up.
In fact, they are the subject of this week’s devotional. The unsung heroes. The people that have shaped us, wrecked us, held us, and tossed us. The Involuntary and Accidental Mentors. Or as I like to call them- The MadeMe Bunch.
Mentorship is something that occurs throughout our entire lives whether we allow it or not. A mentor is someone who guides or advises and is considered to be “trustworthy and experienced”. Most of you reading this have either been blessed to have had a mentor in your life or perhaps you’ve been the one to advise and guide some pupils of your own somewhere along the way. This week, we’re going to evaluate all kinds of mentors, but first lets go ahead and label the one we’re all thinking of.
The Huggable Healers
This is the person you think of when someone says “who is your mentor?” It’s who I thought of the other night when Jared and I were answering a question in the nightly devotional we read together. It’s the person that’s probably older than you. Perhaps they’ve “been down that road before” and serve as someone you confide in when you have “unforgivable things” to talk about. When you can’t pay your rent, when your marriage is in shambles, or when you’ve started to pick up that bad habit again- you go to this person. They fill the spaces of your heart that your parents and other family members can’t fill. It’s a supernatural fit. God dwells in that relationship and you feel His presence every time this person has you over to chat on their couch or drink coffee on their porch. Sometimes they speak life into your situation or sometimes they just listen and let you figure it out on your own. Never speaking out of turn. Always waiting for God to direct them. They feel like home…. no. They feel like heaven.
I’ve already lost some of you. “Kari, I’ve never had that and I’ve certainly never been that for someone else.”
Don’t tune out just yet. You’re going to find yourself in here soon and I pray you take a moment to see how God is and will continue to use you and the people in your path to further His kingdom.
What qualifies someone to be a mentor?
Let’s look at who Jesus chose. He didn’t grab guys off the street at random. He was selective in choosing this band of undistinguished individuals with typical day-to-day problems. Intentionally choosing this blend of misfits to further the message of His Father. Incidentally, all throughout scripture, the disciples miss the mark. Hanging onto exclusivity and pushing aside any idea that didn’t meet their agenda regarding The Messiah. Jesus had intended to use them in ways that they never would have imagined, and Jesus continued to use them despite how many times they’d get it wrong.
If God is so selective in who He chooses, then how can you accidentally mentor someone?
Easy.
You stop looking for followers and you start following.
In doing so, you find that you leave a trail of incidental inspiration unbeknownst to you but very memorable in the eyes of others and your Creator.
After the Resurrection, Jesus is giving his followers instructions on how to carry on His work on earth. The bible says that even though they could clearly see him, some of the disciples still doubted.
“And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”- Matthew 28:16-20 ESV
“Observe”, Jesus says. Teach them to “observe” all that He has commanded. That blew my mind when I read it. When it comes to mentorship, a lot of times there’s no formality. You don’t sign up for it. You don’t get to control who's watching. It can be humbling and frightening all at the same time. No one’s alerting you to mind your tongue or watch your temper. There isn’t a light that blinks green when it’s time to be generous or forgiving. No applause sign telling you to be grateful and give praise. I’ve felt for a long time now that there’s an array of people in my life that I’ve been watching LIVE and they haven’t a clue that I’m even tuning in. It’s time we take a look at some of the ways that God uses us as His ambassadors and mentors here on earth.
The Involuntary and Accidental Mentors
The Mirrors
These may be the people you avoid at first. If you’re feeling good about your walk with the Lord and this person comes in and tests or challenges you in some way, you don't want any part of it. These god-sends have been the ones who have held a mirror to my face and made me look. It’s been their experience of me that led me toward change. People that I have hurt, misunderstood, or abandoned. Still finding it in their hearts to extend grace time and give me the benefit of the doubt even when I didn’t think I needed it. They’re brave enough to hurt you. A friend of mine from college once told me that I had cut her down with my sarcasm and flippant jokes on more than one occasion. She told me that she felt like we were friends more because she was afraid of me. It cut deep. I needed someone to say that to me. I changed for the better, though I still struggle with making others the brunt of my jokes.
The mirror doesn’t always reveal ugly though, does it? Some mirroring mentors show strength and potential where we see frailty and uselessness. When we diminish God’s presence or purpose in our lives, these people hold up that mirror, wipe off the fog, find ways around the cracks, and say, “I see you and I like what I see.”
Through these encounters, I’ve learned this: if you can’t look at yourself in the mirror- you can’t reflect the light within you.
The Electricians
My mom had a firecracker of a friend named Charla whose southern drawl made you feel like you were getting a hug around the neck or a kiss on the cheek each time she spoke. She’d always say “Oh, Janie!” And literally brush off any negative thought my Mom has about herself or her situation. A skinny blonde with kinky 90’s hair, bedazzled denim everything, and the most decorative scrunchies I’ve ever seen. She was the pastor’s daughter but what I remember most about her is that she was clearly the Daughter of the King. Some people just know how to walk right in and turn on all the lights. There you are, laying in your bed with darkness, depression, or heavy clouds of doubt. They barge in, pull back the curtains, and show you that even the rainy days are praiseworthy. She was that person for me. Like Mary Poppins, her mere presence offered hope and excitement to my family. In later years, the friendship she shared with my mother led me to pursue women and friendships that showed God’s light as bright as hers did. I’ve been fortunate to sit on people’s beds, giggle into the late evenings, hold their hands, pray with them and have them pray over me. Charla might have known the secrets of my mother’s life and the things she was struggling with, but I’m sure she had no idea how she helped me with mine. All she did was walk in and turn on the lights..
The ReWrites
We proclaim a lot of non-negotiables in our lives. Things that God never intended us to say or feel. “I’ll never let a man tell me what to do”, “I’m not going to treat my kids the way I was treated”, “No one is going to stop me from doing what I want”. The ReWrites find a way to change the narrative of our internal stories. Watching them in action changes the way you see the world. I had a young adult/college pastor that was this towering lovable father figure to so many of us. The way he spoke about his wife and his sons made me realize that not all men were disengaged or domineering. He spoke openly about his struggles and his shortcomings. His stubborn spats with his wife and how “stupid” he was in college :) His rise to God’s call was both inspirational and eye-opening for me. I thought, if this man could do it, I’m open to rewriting my facts page on the subject of men.
Other ReWrites sort of creep into view without you realizing it. You pass judgment and label them at first glance, but soon you find yourself admitting you were wrong. They love you for no reason. It makes you uncomfortable but you keep coming back. Like a stray cat. Don’t touch me, but keep feeding me. I want more of this. Your heart begins to change and God uses them to further your compassion for others as well as your trust in Him.
The Ones that Walk Away
You have to be one of the greatest followers of Christ to leave behind someone like me. An unsettling statement, sure- but it’s true. I've been known to practically worship the ground you walk on if you give me the time of day. Left unchecked, I have an extremely possessive nature and at my most unhealthy state- I can become clingy and demanding. The most influential mentors in my life are brave souls who have set clear boundaries for me. Even Jesus set boundaries with his clingy disciple, Peter saying “get behind me Satan!” Peter wanted to do everything for Jesus, with Jesus, in Jesus name, and I’m sure if there was a cardboard cut-out of Jesus, He would have had it. On his boat. The boat would have been named King Jesus. Yet time and time again, Jesus set forth clear boundaries for Peter, loved Him fiercely, and ultimately left Him.
The Ones that Walk Away can have a dismissive effect if you’re not careful to see God’s work in the time you had with them. Seasonal Saints, they are. It takes a wise person to know when their time is up. When you're no longer seeking Jesus as fervently as you’re seeking this mentor- it’s time for them to go. I’ve known several people in my life that had to “pull the plug” on me and rightfully so! It was done in love and though I didn’t see it at the time, I do now and I thank God they did. Sometimes we become the object of someone’s faith. Jesus says “deny yourselves and follow Me.” Leaving someone behind takes you out of the picture and allows room for their attention to return to Christ, if they allow it.
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You may read this and think “this is really more of a list of influencers. Not mentors.” but you’d be misjudging the amount of time I’ve spent with these people. Maybe we haven’t been in the same room. Maybe we haven’t even spoken over the phone or via text/email. However, I’ve sat at the foot of these conversations and interactions for decades now. Re-evaluating my life over and over again because of something they said or did. Somehow, their accidental mentorship has become a large part of who I am. Woven into the fiber of my being as if God knitted it Himself. (Psalm 139:13,16)
You’ve done one if not all of these things at some point.
- Confessed hurt
- Given a compliment
- Turned the lights on
- Shared your struggles
- Let someone go
Believe it, friend. God has used you.
The last story I’ll share is one about an Upperclassman my sophomore year of High School. I had a crush on her younger brother but never told anyone. Typical. She and I were in athletics and had a theatre class together. When things got shuffled around in my home-life, I had to go and live in a neighboring town with my sweet aunt and uncle. So that I could continue to come to that High School, my uncle drove back and forth twice a day.
Tears well up as I type this because it’s something that seems so insignificant but it changed the course of my life forever. The Upperclassman offered for me to come hang out at her house after school until my uncle could come and pick me up. At this time, my life was painfully unstable and though I was surrounded by people trying to pick up the pieces for me, I felt cast aside and utterly abandoned. She had zero obligation to me. Yet- her abundance of joy and generosity filled my heart for years to come. In a time when I felt like I was being pushed off on other people, she opened her arms and embraced me. One of the first times I felt Jesus in the flesh and I’m blessed to say that many more followed. She was most certainly a ReWrite. I got out my internal narrative and made a note: “ People are still good.”
With any luck, this country will soon be on the mend and we’ll all journey back into The Land of the Living.
What incidental inspiration are you going to be leaving behind in your household? Who’s going to be looking to you in the future? What co-worker is missing their “christian friend” without you even realizing it? I pray right now that God begins to remind you of His Great Commission in your life. None of these people I’ve mentioned went out of their way to show me anything. They were just following His lead. You were meant to do the same. Through your acts of kindness, your honesty, vulnerability, and bravery- He will use you mightily. Just by being you. By walking your path and keeping your eyes on Him.
Pray
A Prayer of thanksgiving is in order for this week. Thank God for raising up people in your life that have served as accidental or intentional mentors to you. Thank God for the opportunities you’ve had to lead others to Him. Ask Him to show you how you can be a better ambassador for His Kingdom.
Reflect
- Do you think of yourself as a mentor? Why or why not? How has reading this changed your perspective?
- Which type(s) of mentor have you been? Which type(s) of mentor are most influential to you? Why?
- In the devotional, I write “I’ve sat at the foot of these conversations and interactions for decades now. Re-evaluating my life over and over again because of something they said or did.” What things come to mind when you read that?
- Do you seek counsel when you need it? Why or Why Not?
- Write down the names of some people that come to mind when you read the verses below.
Proverbs 27:9 “The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.”
Colossians 3:16 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.
Reach out to these people and tell them how you feel. The best encouragement often comes from those that we’ve traveled with along our journey, even more so when we get to revisit those places we went together.
Do Something
- Write a letter/email someone who has mentored you intentionally.
- Write a letter/email someone who has left you with incidental inspiration:)
- Think about the people in your life who may be going through a hard time. Call on someone to see how they’re doing.
- The next time you see someone do something that “bears fruit”, let them know that you see Jesus shining through them.
- Be a better human. So much of what we do each day is self-serving. Think of some ways that you can deny yourself and jot them down on a sticky note. Put it in your car or on your bathroom mirror.
Further Reading
- Deuteronomy 31:8- Whatever we do, we aren’t doing it alone.
- Hebrews 13:20-21, Ephesians 2:10- We are God’s handiwork and He’s already prepared us for good things
- Colossians 3:17- Whatever we do should bring glory to Him alone
- John 13:35, 15:8- We are known to be disciples by our Love and our Fruit.
- Mark 8:34- To follow Christ is to deny one’s self.
Have a mentor; Be a mentor (the biblical model of mentoring) by Lifeway Staff
https://www.lifeway.com/en/articles/biblical-model-of-mentoring
4 Stages of Biblical Mentoring. A great article on different stages of mentoring with follow-up discussion questions for you and your family/friends. https://www.pursuegod.org/4-stages-of-biblical-mentoring/
Listen
The song Pour Me Out by Brandon Lake speaks volumes to this idea of mentorship and it’s exactly what our nation needs right now.
Make me a vessel of your peace
Where there is war let fighting cease
All that divides us, come reconcile us
Make me a vessel of your peace
Make me a vessel of your love
Where there is hatred, break it up
All creeds and colors, bind us together
Make me a vessel of your love
Pour me out, Pour me out, Pour me out
Wherever I am, wherever I go
Make me a vessel of your hope
Where dreams are dead, come wake them up
A new horizon, I feel it rising
Make me a vessel of your hope
Pour me out, Pour me out, Pour me out
Wherever I am, wherever I go
Live Worship
As always, this devotional is also available via audio on my See Good Things Podcast
Loved this week’s devo! Very thought-provoking. Can’t wait to journal and dwell on it later tonight. 💗
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