Not Surprised- Standing on the Promises

I'm not even surprised anymore. 

After the last few years we've had, I'm no longer surprised by what God's able to do in our lives. There was a time when my husband and I would both marvel at God, saying "I can't believe this is happening. This is insane." 

That's just not the case anymore.  

I have experienced such a consistent level of God's provision and completion of promise in our lives that it's become something we stand on rather than hope for. 

Here's the latest evidence of His unrelenting care.  

Two weeks ago on a Wednesday, my 2014 Dodge Durango stopped accelerating as I was driving to my favorite Mexican dine in spot- Taco Bell. At first, I thought it was a fluke so I turned the car off in the parking lot, switched it back on, and proceeded to reverse. Everything was fine. Ordered my 2 crunchy tacos, a bean burrito with no onions, and drove forward only to find out that the problem persisted. The husband was called, he confirmed this was not normal, and we carefully drove it to his place of work. From there we decided it needed to go into the shop. That's not the whole of it. Other things were happening in our little world, as is always the case. 

• I was headed for a 4 day camping trip with my daughter THE NEXT DAY
• Husband now had no way to get to work if I went camping.
• No sitter for my son if he couldn't be taken to the sitter's house. 
• We live 25minutes from town. 

God provided and Jared was able to make up that time not being on the job by catching up on some much needed paperwork that had been piling up. We went on the trip- had an amazing time- and honestly? I had forgotten about it until I got back home. 

It would be a week before anyone could even look at the car. What were we going to do? No car for two kids? This is crazy. Still, things were happening. God was working.  

• My boss lives in my area (which is 25minutes from town) so she brought me home each day. 
• Husband was able to make things work out to where he could pick up curbside groceries after work.
• Lots of people were praying for good news on the car. 

Good news on the car did not come. When we finally got it into the shop the following Wednesday- we didn't hear back on the car until Monday. Basically- we need an engine rebuild or a brand new engine to be sure that the car would run safely again. What? We can't afford that! We began to get discouraged. 

• We were SO close to paying off that car! Then we would have two vehicles paid off and no car payment!
• There would be practically zero trade-in value on the car now. 
• We can't cover the cost of a new engine right now! 

It's so easy to have faith when things are kind of bad, but when you feel like you've been cheated by life- or that there's a certain amount of unfairness going on, it's hard not to ask "Why me?" But we didn't. We tried to keep a positive state of mind. Meanwhile- so many other things encouraged us! We could definitely see how God had already been preparing us. 

• We had money saved away because of some changes we had recently made to the budget. Almost enough to buy an "in between car" until we could save enough for the repairs on the Durango. 
• We had friends who lived nearby that could give us rides if needed. A few neighbors offered to bring by groceries or give us a lift into town. 
• My sweet husband decided that God was calling him to have some humility and ask for help. He makes a post via Facebook, inquiring about a car we could purchase.
• We would be fine. God always comes through. 

Fast forward to this Tuesday. Jared's parents are in town and they brought our nephews over for a visit. While we hung out at the house, we explained our situation and the plan to buy a car to get us by until we could afford the repairs needed. The discussion was mainly focused around the idea that we needed to accept where we were and know that God would take care of it. 

Within a half hour of that conversation- I get two phone calls. 

First Phone Call 

A friend from church has a son that's getting married and they had a videographer cancel. They need someone to video their wedding for them and they want to pay ME $500 to do it! What? Me? Are you serious? YES! Praise God! Now I can put that money toward getting a vehicle! 

Second Phone Call 

Another friend that I used to teach with calls and offers to let us borrow one of her cars indefinitely until we get ours fixed!  I told her it could take a while and she insisted. Insurance would cover me. Nothing to worry about. A 2005 Toyota Camry. Just perfect for my little ones and me. 

So Many Things- Confessing a Discontented Heart

It’s hard for me to be still. Polly Pocket in the background on Netflix while Cola eats Fruity Pebbles for the letter P we’re working on this week. I told myself- I WILL make time to be still this morning. So much easier said than done. Perhaps that’s why we whisper it to ourselves. We’d look pretty foolish shouting out things that we don’t actually end up doing. So timid, we are, in declaring things for the Lord. Boy do I ever wish I was as vocal on my Instagram about my love for Jesus as I am for Tacos. 

I did my bible reading, pushing through by putting my headphones in and keeping the monitor close to me in case the baby woke up. Suddenly, it hit me that I needed to just stop. Stop doing and stop “working on being still”. Actually BE STILL, Kari! 

Pushing my bible and notebook aside, I put my head in my hands. As the music played in my ears, it was only a matter of seconds before I broke out in tears. Why do I have such a hard time listening? Why can’t I move forward? Is it too much to ask to feel good about myself for ONE day? What’s holding me back? Why am I trying so hard all of the time? What am I trying to prove? 

As swift as water from a stream, the words came out of my mouth (in a whisper, nonetheless).

I want so many things, God. 

There it was.

 My confession. 

I want a shirt to fit me the way it does that girl on her Instagram. I want my kids to sleep through the night. I want my daughter to know my intentions and not be so sensitive. i want my son to catch up to the other kids his age. I want movie theatre popcorn. I want to be motivated to do more than I'm doing. I want my friends to call me more. I want my house to be finished. I want my back to be healed. I want tacos delivered to my front door. I want people to stop misunderstanding me. I want my leaders to be genuine. I want to stop second guessing myself and others. I want to trust. I want to love unconditionally. I want. I want. I want. So. Many. Things. 

Teach me to want only You. Please. 

My whole body began to shake as I sobbed in the reality of still wanting so much, as if I had so little. I felt immense shame from the mere thought that what God had given me wasn’t enough! In that moment, I began to release the heart of covetousness and I began to think on the things of the Lord. His mercy in my life. His provision. His sense of humor and His embrace during times like this. 

Dear friend, if you find yourself in a place where you are having a hard time being content- please know that you’re not alone. There’s a lot going on in the world right now and when we feel cornered or limited, we start to act entitled. Out of deprivation, we begin to believe that we deserve more than what we’re getting. I understand. I’m in and out of that belief constantly. However, we must choose to stand on the word of God instead of the shifting tides of the times. 

His power is made perfect in the places where we feel powerless. Maybe the longing for more isn’t necessarily the issue. For God calls us to a higher purpose than we’re currently living out, I believe that. So the longing is valid, but where are you placing your hope? 

The psalmist said it best when he wrote Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. (Psalm 61:1-2) 

Jesus says - I Am enough. 

My grace is sufficient for you. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

I’ve given you all things for all times (Philippians 4:19, 2 Corinthians 9:8-12)

I have called you to do my work, and given you the strength to do it well. (Ephesians 2:10, Romans 8:28)

We want so many things. That is our confession. Let’s ask God how we can live for Him in pursuit of these things. Place your head in your hands and tell Him- Teach me to want only You.