It seems odd, but in every moment of “I don’t know”- I sit down and sing. This is something you’ll come to know about me. So many people have different ways of processing sorrow or joy, and this is mine. I didn’t write anything down in the moment- but I had the good sense to press record on my voice memo app. What unfolded was an honest plea to God in the midst of uncertainty.
We didn’t know the outcome.
We still don’t know.
All I knew was that I could call God a Healer and a Comforter in the same breath and it would be true. I believed in my heart that God was healing Luka but I also knew that I trusted God’s sovereignty, wanted to prepare my heart in case we received news that we weren’t exactly wanting. I went back and forth in my mind. Which side of this fence do I need to be on? God the Healer means that something broken gets mended. God the Comforter means that something broken stays broken.
Both sides required faith.
Both sides required trust.
Neither side meant giving up, rather, both sides meant giving in to God’s plan.
If we don’t get what we want, can we still call Him good?
In the story below, Jesus heals a boy with an unclean spirit. What’s fascinating to me is the final part in this story. Please take the time to read this short passage. Knowing God fully requires knowing His word and seeing yourself inside of it.
And Jesus asked his father, "How long has this been happening to him?" And he said, "From childhood. And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us." And Jesus said to him, "'If you can'! All things are possible for one who believes." Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, "I believe; help my unbelief!" And when Jesus saw that a crowd came running together, he rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, "You mute and deaf spirit, I command you, come out of him and never enter him again." And after crying out and convulsing him terribly, it came out, and the boy was like a corpse, so that most of them said, "He is dead." But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up, and he arose. And when he had entered the house, his disciples asked him privately, "Why could we not cast it out?" And he said to them, "This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer." Mark 9:21-29
Prayer. Jesus says not “by anything but prayer”. Wow. Unbelieving heart? Unclean spirit? Prayer. Prayer is what heals. So that’s what I did.
The song is from the perspective of someone who wants God to hear their cries and petitions for a miracle or change in their life, while also asking Him to heal their hearts if what they want isn’t in His plan. It’s such a crossroads. I felt every word come out of me like a confession before a court. I needed to confess my disbelief, if there was any. I also needed to profess my bold faith that He could do amazing things in the life of my sister and her newborn baby.
I know I’m not the only one “on the fence” about something. Some of us need God to heal us from past disappointments and unmet expectations. Some need healing from very deep wounds that only God could speak to and cover with His comfort.
Others need to be bold enough to ask God for what they want. Ask Him to turn His ear to you. Some of the circumstances in our lives call for honest conversations with our God, realizing that His ear is attentive and He’s eager to have us trust in Him and His BIG plans for our lives.
Either way. You need to talk to Him. Tell Him how you feel. He isn’t like the others. He listens. He loves anyway.
After my “real talk” with God through this song, amazing things happened! Prayers were answered and they continue to be answered every day! He both heard me and healed me all in the same breath. Just as I knew He could all along.
We still don’t know the end result for Luka.
But I know the hand that is holding Him and I trust wholeheartedly in His plan.
Just as David prayed, Lord may “Your right hand uphold me” all the days of my life. Be with those holding onto your promises and those without faith. For often times, both are weary. Help those of us on the fence. May we choose to be honest with you about the hurts we need healing for. May we understand the fullness of your mercy and grace in our lives. The knowledge of You is the completion of faith. May we seek your face today.
Reflect
The song is from the perspective of someone who wants God to hear their cries and petitions for a miracle or change in their life, while also asking Him to heal their hearts if what they want isn’t in His plan. It’s such a crossroads. I felt every word come out of me like a confession before a court. I needed to confess my disbelief, if there was any. I also needed to profess my bold faith that He could do amazing things in the life of my sister and her newborn baby.
I know I’m not the only one “on the fence” about something. Some of us need God to heal us from past disappointments and unmet expectations. Some need healing from very deep wounds that only God could speak to and cover with His comfort.
Others need to be bold enough to ask God for what they want. Ask Him to turn His ear to you. Some of the circumstances in our lives call for honest conversations with our God, realizing that His ear is attentive and He’s eager to have us trust in Him and His BIG plans for our lives.
Either way. You need to talk to Him. Tell Him how you feel. He isn’t like the others. He listens. He loves anyway.
After my “real talk” with God through this song, amazing things happened! Prayers were answered and they continue to be answered every day! He both heard me and healed me all in the same breath. Just as I knew He could all along.
We still don’t know the end result for Luka.
But I know the hand that is holding Him and I trust wholeheartedly in His plan.
Pray
Just as David prayed, Lord may “Your right hand uphold me” all the days of my life. Be with those holding onto your promises and those without faith. For often times, both are weary. Help those of us on the fence. May we choose to be honest with you about the hurts we need healing for. May we understand the fullness of your mercy and grace in our lives. The knowledge of You is the completion of faith. May we seek your face today.
Reflect
What has you “on the fence” these days? Do you fully believe in a God that can do BIG things in your life?
Be Healed. - Perhaps you need healing from past or current disappointments in your life. Take some time today to let God know how you feel about those unmet expectations and ask Him to guide you through those emotions.
Be Heard - Maybe you don’t think God can hear you. Maybe you need to speak up! By believing that God cares about the things that concern you, you can go before His throne and ask boldly for His promises to be made real to you today.
Further Reading
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and He hears those who are crushed in Spirit. - Psalms 34:18
Cast all your anxieties on Him, for He cares for you! 1 Peter 5:7
In Your righteousness, rescue me God, and deliver me; Turn your ear and save me. Psalm 71:2
I call on you, my God, for you will answer me: turn your ear to me and hear my prayer. Psalm 17:6
Do Something
Do Something
- This week, spend time asking God to show you where your “on the fence” areas are. Take a walk at the park or decide to devote time driving home from work to focus on this. If you’re like me- I use my time in the shower or while washing dishes. The lull of the water feels like grace washing over me. It’s nice:) Ask a friend or a loved one to pray over this area with you.
- Write down these verses and meditate on them. Put yourself inside these scriptures. They were written for you!
- If you’ve experienced disappointment because of someone else- begin asking God to help you reconcile with that person. This may take some time and that’s ok. Start praying for that person and ask God to help you to show them grace.
- You have a whole week! Take small chunks of each day or spend a whole evening on it. Either way- have the conversation.
Be with me inside these walls. Hold my head. Don’t let it fall
Give me faith like a child. Let my spirit run wild
Be with me through it all
Tell my feet where they should stand. Give me a soft soft place to land
Calm the storm inside. Give me a place to run and hide.
Hear my cry for You again
Oh hear me. Or heal me, Lord
There are things that I don’t know.
And I’ve grown blind along this road.
You are all that I ever need so why
Do you feel so far from home?
I’m asking you to hear me or heal me Lord.
Hear me, Or heal me, Lord.
I’ve been running. I’ve been crying to You
I’ve been searching. Screaming “God, I don’t know what to do!”
He’s so small to fight through this. Send him all my hugs, send him my kiss
Let him know that you’re with him and us.
Let us not lose faith in You. Let us hold fast to Your truth
Heal the hurt inside. Give me a place to run and hide
I put all my hope in you.
So hear me or heal me, Lord.
I’m asking You to hear me or heal me, Lord.
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